See Him, Be Me.

During worship tonight I felt like God was flooding me with songs of deliverance and salvation. Before Jared began playing Tracey delivered a message that spoke directly to my heart. She spoke on the relationship between success and sacrifice. Not a pay-it-forward type of sacrifice but the straight-up unconditional sacrifice that the Bible calls us to (Romans 12:1-2). Recently I have been very reserved about giving more of myself to God and to other people because I have venerated safety/control over real experience. I’ve never fully realized how much value I placed in maintaining homeostasis over pursuing my dreams and my God. I am working out of a false identity. Who I am is the man that God made me to be with vision, and the courage to act on what God has put in my heart. As the confidence, joy and other Christ-like characteristics seem to be fading at times I have felt very empty. My prayer this night is that I will have a heart of repentance and that God will in turn meet me here. I share this tonight because I believe there is tremendous opportunity and benefit to opening up and being vulnerable with others. I know people face similar situations and often times so hopefully you can find strength in my testimony. So I pray that this blog is the beginning of something new for me and the beginning of something new for whoever needs this. I will be praying for you as I seek God in this strange place.